Accepting yourself is harder.

I've given a lot of thought recently to my own self image. In fact, if I'm perfectly honest, it's only been in the past few weeks that I have become comfortable with my own appearance, fat rolls and all. There used to be weeks at a time in which I'd avoid looking at my (what I thought was) my hideous face in the mirror. And that saddens me. It makes me upset I've never been comfortable with my own body.

I think we've probably all been there in our lives. It usually starts in childhood. You compare yourself to other people, determine you're not as thin/pretty/cute/"sexy" (as if children can be sexy...oh the things I'd think in elementary school) as the other kids around you, and you live your next five years thinking you're a hideous monster.

Fast forward to the beginning of highschool. You look back to pictures taken of you way back when, and are horrified to think you ever thought yourself unattractive. I mean, look at those legs! That face! Your youthful, acne-free skin! But now you know better. Now you ACTUALLY know that the teens around yo are way more pretty/sexy/cute/gorgeous than you ever could be. Now, it's okay to wallow in self pity, because you realize you can't even look as pretty as you did a few years back. It's all downhill from here.

And, fast forward again. Now here you are, nearly two decades old (which, I realize, isn't old at all. But boy, that still fees like a lot since it's been, like, my whole life), and you look back at those pictures of you five years back....and holy crap! You were so cute, definately NOT fat, and you wasted all those years having poor self esteem, feeling bad about yourself. You weren't fat then- you're fat NOW. And you could probably easily go another five years, feeling sorry for yourself, eating anything you like because "it doesn't matter, you're just an unattractive cow anyway".

But I don't WANT to go another five years feeling sorry for myself, feeling ugly, and using it as a great excuse to not take care of my health. What a waste of life. What a stupid, vicious cycle. It ends here. I realize I have let myself get to a point I never intended, but that won't stop me from attaining the health I deserve.

So I'll post here pictures of me, in chronological order, as a reminder to myself that, though I felt I was fat and unattractive when each and every photo was taken, I was not and am not ugly, and I refuse to spend the rest of my life wishing I had appreciated myself in the past.

<- Sixth grade. And the ridiculous notion I had huge, fat thighs.

Tenth grade. By this time, I was positive I was too fat, and that nobody could ever be attracted to me ->

<-Senior year. I look awesome, but I didn't think so then. I thought those size 14 slacks were "fat pants". Now I don't come close to buttoning them.

Me. Now. Hey, not so bad, eh? ->